KowCents

-Traditional Corporation-
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.

-An American Corporation-
You have two cows.
You sell one and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

-A French Corporation-
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.

-A Japanese Corporation-
You have two cows.
You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create clever cow cartoon images called 'Cowkimon' and market them World-Wide.

-A German Corporation-
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

-A British Corporation-
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

-A Russian Corporation-
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 12 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

-A Swiss Corporation-
You have 5,000 cows and none belongs to you.
You charge others for storing them.

-A Chinese Corporation-
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim full employment and high bovine productivity.
You have the newsman who reported on the numbers arrested.

-An Indian Corporation-
You have two cows.
You worship them.

-A Malaysian Corporation-
You have two cows.
You signed a 40-year contract to supply milk at RM0.06 per litre.
Then midway through, you raised the price to RM0.60 or you cut the supply.
When the buyer agrees to the new price, you change your mind again and now want RM1.20.
The buyer decided you can keep the milk.
They go look for milk that comes from recycled cows or the cow urine instead.
Your two cows retire together with the Prime Minister.

-A Singaporean Corporation-
You have two cows.
One is COW-PEH and the other COW-BU.

status quo

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program

Leong Wee Keat
weekeat@mediacorp.com.sg

IT'S a crime with age-old roots that has infiltrated high-tech avenues.
.
And to send a "strong message" to culprits, the laws are being changed so that racial insults made over the electronic media, such as the Internet, will soon be considered an offence under the Penal Code.
.
The Ministry of Home Affairs (MHA) said this amendment "would provide another legislative option to deal with future offenders".
.
In 2005, prosecutors had to resort to a rarely-used legislation, the Sedition Act, to bring criminals to book when three men were separately accused of promoting racial ill-will and hostility through comments posted on blogs and online forums.
.
Under the soon-to-be revised Penal Code, a person who knowingly causes religious or racial disharmony, or promotes ill will between different groups on the grounds of religion and/or race, could be jailed up to three years or fined, or both.
.
For racial or religious aggravated offences, penalties could also be increased by one-and-a-half times.
.
The MHA said this approach is similar to that taken for enhanced penalties for certain offences committed against maids.
.
"This new section will help to preserve the social harmony which our country enjoys and send a strong message to any person who may try to disrupt social harmony," said the MHA.
.
Brother Michael Brough-ton, a member of the Inter-Religious Organisation, said such laws would enforce "external conformity" and "hasten the education process".
.
"In Singapore, I guess the way things work is that a law enforces it first," he said. But he believed education was still the key to achieving racial harmony.
.
"We want our younger ones to grow up internalising the principle," said Brother Broughton, a deputy principal of St Joseph's Institution. Leong Wee Keat
weekeat@mediacorp.com.sg

IT'S a crime with age-old roots that has infiltrated high-tech avenues.
.
And to send a "strong message" to culprits, the laws are being changed so that racial insults made over the electronic media, such as the Internet, will soon be considered an offence under the Penal Code.
.
The Ministry of Home Affairs (MHA) said this amendment "would provide another legislative option to deal with future offenders".
.
In 2005, prosecutors had to resort to a rarely-used legislation, the Sedition Act, to bring criminals to book when three men were separately accused of promoting racial ill-will and hostility through comments posted on blogs and online forums.
.
Under the soon-to-be revised Penal Code, a person who knowingly causes religious or racial disharmony, or promotes ill will between different groups on the grounds of religion and/or race, could be jailed up to three years or fined, or both.
.
For racial or religious aggravated offences, penalties could also be increased by one-and-a-half times.
.
The MHA said this approach is similar to that taken for enhanced penalties for certain offences committed against maids.
.
"This new section will help to preserve the social harmony which our country enjoys and send a strong message to any person who may try to disrupt social harmony," said the MHA.
.
Brother Michael Brough-ton, a member of the Inter-Religious Organisation, said such laws would enforce "external conformity" and "hasten the education process".
.
"In Singapore, I guess the way things work is that a law enforces it first," he said. But he believed education was still the key to achieving racial harmony.
.
"We want our younger ones to grow up internalising the principle," said Brother Broughton, a deputy principal of St Joseph's Institution. Leong Wee Keat
weekeat@mediacorp.com.sg

IT'S a crime with age-old roots that has infiltrated high-tech avenues.
.
And to send a "strong message" to culprits, the laws are being changed so that racial insults made over the electronic media, such as the Internet, will soon be considered an offence under the Penal Code.
.
The Ministry of Home Affairs (MHA) said this amendment "would provide another legislative option to deal with future offenders".
.
In 2005, prosecutors had to resort to a rarely-used legislation, the Sedition Act, to bring criminals to book when three men were separately accused of promoting racial ill-will and hostility through comments posted on blogs and online forums.
.
Under the soon-to-be revised Penal Code, a person who knowingly causes religious or racial disharmony, or promotes ill will between different groups on the grounds of religion and/or race, could be jailed up to three years or fined, or both.
.
For racial or religious aggravated offences, penalties could also be increased by one-and-a-half times.
.
The MHA said this approach is similar to that taken for enhanced penalties for certain offences committed against maids.
.
"This new section will help to preserve the social harmony which our country enjoys and send a strong message to any person who may try to disrupt social harmony," said the MHA.
.
Brother Michael Brough-ton, a member of the Inter-Religious Organisation, said such laws would enforce "external conformity" and "hasten the education process".
.
"In Singapore, I guess the way things work is that a law enforces it first," he said. But he believed education was still the key to achieving racial harmony.
.
"We want our younger ones to grow up internalising the principle," said Brother Broughton, a deputy principal of St Joseph's Institution.

KLK Killadi II

One word. Brilliance.

a·pos·tle

Somehow or rather, the topic of "Responsible Blogging" and the call for a "Blogger's Code of Conduct" is hot in the current state of things. That this started because of an episode on Vasantham is highly unlikely. Let's just take it as, a lot of people have questions and some won't stop till they're answered. Attempting to be the last line warrior to defend why we do what we do, MystiKal lays the matter to rest. Div had her twenty cents worth, HERE. Lacking the way of the wordsmith, I weighed in HERE. For all known posts stemming from a televised debate on the responsibility in the hands of bloggers, do click HERE and have your fill.

Henceforth, there WILL be no more, explanatory posts as to why things are the way they are. For reference, refer to our KLKillahs Manifesto. Show deference if you'd like to.

We are not the norm.

A blog can be many things. It can be a personal journal like this one. Where i get to see my thoughts come out in words. A sort of vent. Maybe even to show off.. LOL.. we are all capable of that. But KLKillahs is another kind of blog. What it used to be may be questioned, but i believe we have a new calling. Something for the future. A voice if u must, accessible to all, interactive voice to almost everything pertaining to being Indian. Negative positive or simply which pappadam is crispiest at which tekka pukul mati makan restaurant. Why? Who cares why?! WHY NOT! i ask you.

We address a need for us Indians to look at ourselves, laugh at ourselves and think for ourselves. Albeit many of the issues at KLKillahs are smothered with dark humour. A dry thesis espousing all the fuck things that are wrong/right with us. Or simply regurgitating talking points is being... pedestrian. This blog i may accept as pedestrian. Its just another blog of another random fella who thinks the world of himself. Et Tu Selva etc.. But KLKillahs is different.

Its a couple of people from different walks of life that come together, give their take, their opinions, their spin on issues.. talking points and/or random silly, not so silly things that will put a smile on your face on a mundane day, spur you to do some research on some topic instead of bumming away watching sun TV, go to work/school/public toilet and think about how reading that post on our blog made u think differently and hopefully affected you positively.. you get my drift?

That is what we are trying to achieve. We are not even doing it from behind a veil of secrecy. That in itself is a form of us taking responsibility in the articles that we do. And we set guidelines, skirt the edges, maybe bend/ break/ lay-on-the-floor-and-spread the rules in the attempt to stress a point, evoke a reaction, bring about a change.

That's what KLK is about my friends. Change. We dare to question. There is no limit to question. The right to ask is universal. Whether we get a satisfactory answer or a reasonable one is another question totally. Even asking a question can come in many forms. When we ridicule something. Ask yourself, what is the point? Do you really think we have nothing better to do then clown around making fun of people? There is a point there is a motive. Even for the mundane. When we point out errors, when we bring out our point even if we show u a picture with no caption or further illustration whatsoever, it is a question. It is a move, an effort to bring about change. To improve in whatever way we can. There.. there is our disclaimer. We do it in whatever way we can. With whatever resources that we can make do with...

Far from perfection we would be. Living in our own turmoil we may be. Disillusioned with life also we could be. But when we load that blogger page and type in the title of the post that we want to put on KLKillahs, we assume a mantle. The mantle of thinking from the readers' point of view. How that reader would be affected, how would the person we're talking about be affected? How can you bring about a change on the person reading it? Will he/she have a better day? A snort of derision? A rush of righteous anger? A stir of controversy? We learn from every post we write. The reactions. the feedback, and whiny little people who cannot stand their flaws put under a microscope. I wouldn't like it too.. That's why i signed up.. If you can't beat them.. join them :)

If i could sum up what we do? In as little words as possible. I'd say.. We're people who dare laugh at ourselves. Laugh at our flaws. And write articles that makes your day a little brighter. a tad funnier or probably more interesting :D Even if it means giving you reasons not to send your teen daughters to parade for small time TV that wouldn't look good on a resume anyway.. =)

Now the worse thing that can happen is if ah_neh nudges me on MSN and say "deh? what makes you think all that crap applies to me?" [what i'm most likely to say: "how, amk, half hour, thanni?"]

So in that context kindly imagine all the 'We' in this post represent me and my Muse...

de·bate

Something that brightened up my Monday.

This language debate needs a skilful moderator
By P N Balji, Editorial Director, TODAY Posted: 07 May 2007 1107 hrs

I have been listening in on a discussion taking place among a group of Indian Singaporeans ("We are Indian Singaporeans and our unifying language is Tamil") in the confines of the Net. They are mainly talking about the disappearance of the Tamil language on signages at a couple of public places.

One talked about how he complained to a government organisation which had missed using the language on a signboard when 12 other languages were there. The person at the other end had been apologetic and promised to get it done within two months. That caused another round of discussions on why it needed two months to make a change.

Another wrote about a sign at a public place that has Hindi, but not Tamil. And yet another complained that some government websites looking for global talent emphasise English and Chinese but put Tamil in the "others" category.

Then there was a posting on the need for an Indian Affairs Minister here, which sparked responses from a couple of supporters.

There are two issues here, one easy to deal with and the other a little tricky, touchy and so more difficult to handle.

Despite how cosmopolitan we may appear to be as a city, language can always creep in and become a spoiler.

The civil servants who deal with things like signages, brochures and advertisements need to understand the language sensitivities underpinning Singapore society.

And this just doesn't apply to the minorities.

Not many of us would have forgotten that during the dengue scare two years ago, official brochures were printed only in English with the other languages, including Chinese, being forgotten.

That was corrected immediately with the pamphlets being re-printed not only in Chinese, but also Malay and Tamil as well.

It looks like some of our government departments have not learned from that error.

The Civil Service, known for its efficiency and its responsiveness, must not allow missteps in language to crop up again. And when such missteps do happen, they should be put right quickly.

But how to deal with an issue like this, especially now that there is an enabler called the Internet?

Before you even get into that, you need to find out why groups like Indian Singaporeans feel the way they do. To be completely colour blind in Singapore is not possible, what with policies like race-based help (CDAC, Mendaki and Sinda) and race-based electoral boundaries (Group Representation Constituencies), race-based quotas for HDB flats and race-related questions in application forms.

But what has complicated the simmering racial pot for the Tamil Singaporeans, who form the majority of the Indians here, is the recent influx of North Indians — who mainly speak Hindi — into Singapore.

Some feel their minority status is being further eroded. To understand their anxiety, one needs to understand the language divisions in India.

Hindi is as foreign to the Tamils as, say, French is. And although Hindi is the official language in India, it is not recognised in the south of the country — especially in Tamil Nadu, where elections can be lost and won on playing the language card.

The discussion on the Net has only just started.

Before it gets out of hand, we need a greater sensitivity on the part of organisations that deal with the public often, as well as a skilful moderator who will be able to better understand what is troubling this group and engage them with trust and confidence.

The ombudsman should be independent-minded, respected in the community and, most important of all, be outside the government embrace.

This Balji dude got most of his points right. Except the part where he says the discussion on the Net has only just started. I reference MDA Xchange from our old kelingkillah blog. Come on, its being going on for ages already. [The exchange was lifted from exactly the same Yahoo group, Mr Balji is subscribed to. We is have our hands everywhere.]

Someone outside the governmental embrace to manage Indian affairs? That would be something to look out for. Our very own Samy Vellu in the making. He's technically part of the government in Malaysia but its not very difficult to mark out his fiefdom.

So are we going to see an Indian Affairs Minister? [We already have Yaacob Ibrahim sitting as Minister-in-charge of Muslim Affairs, though point noted, one's a religion, we're a community] Would he be drafted from the foreign talent program or will we see a true blue local makkal take it up?

We'll keep you updated.

typ·i·cal·ly·a·typ·i·cal

Every Indians' panty buncher. To be called typical.

We try so hard at distinguishing ourselves that so many kinds of 'typical' has evolved.

So before i force my views down your throats, i tested water with various people on my MSN list who were awake at this ungodly hour.

These came back..

Chick doing Law in UK for the last few years :

erm. By endorsing the common misconception of being 'typically indian', we attach with it a negative stigma, so profound. While each race has had its quirks, its moments of closed-mindedness, such connotations do no good for the Indian community as a whole.

Chinese Goth Dude:

Singaporean Indians, when boiled down to it, are no different from Singaporeans of any other kind. Sure, their skin may be a little darker, their scent a little more exotic, but when push comes to shove, they shove as hard as a chinaman, half-f*ck ang moh, or mat salleh brotherWe love our food. They love their food. We love our shopping. They love their shopping, with even a one-up at a certain famous 24hour store.We love our drinking. They love their drinking,We love our women. They beat their women. Stereotypes aside, the Singaporeans I know, who happen to be Indian by race, had no choice or say in it. But none of us do- and it's what we share in common that makes us the same, Singaporean, whether mama, manjun, mat, or (ang) moh.And the Singaporeans I know, who just happen to be of darker tone, are decent, generous, trustworthy human beings, the same as the rest.But indians from india, however..... :P

Indian Chick:

hot tempered, egoistical, jabbers for a hobby, finds street tamil rather cool, finds indian clubs a bangin hang out, cheap cologne, ill coloured hair, homogenised sense of dressing..

Chinese 'Mobster' Dad:

very smart but out to screw with u, good business acumen but out to screw you, always overcharges you when u order at his/her indian rojak store

Northie dude:

ugly, black, coffee shop, beer,doesn't know wut to do wif life..most impt

Ah Lian:

black,curly hair,speaks with a curly tongue,erm.......tall,big wide smile and nice teeth

iNerd:

those who christened every indian..into a Mike and maccha and instead of using Fuck..they use Ponna eh ydae i was Ponna drunk la.. -? example in the 90s and all..leopard print was the fashion statement now very hard to identify them cuz all have morphed into hip-hop wannabes congregating at a chosen english hip-hop club which will then close down a few mths later cuz it has too many maamas and so random fights every night well the girls hmm...the Mangs. are more ferocious than their male counterparts and not afraid to fight it out usually wear the colour of their rainbow as their contact lens and matching eyeshadow. ALWAYS HAVE MATCHING EYESHADOW nowadays they have morphed from hair which will be let down no matter what the length to rebonded..to keep up with the times

Mat-Mamak:

evening chain-guinness stout followed by a walk back home but not before throwing a punch or two onto someone's face, just about anyone, either a family member, friend or a stranger.

NUS Engineering Chinese Dude:

A typical Indian to me falls under 3 categories. One is the intellectual ones. They are made from a cookie cutter, they all seem to wear collared long sleeved shirts, tucked into their blue jeans, wearing a pair of new balance track shoes they probably bought from Mustafa. They seem to travel around in packs like hyeenas. Study together, eat together and no one is allowed to join their clic. One place you'll find them in NUS is the computer labs. ^_^ haha OMG when will they stop living up to their stereotypes. The other type is the skirt wearing, structure building specialist, aka the "bangala". They don't stray far from the intellectual types, in that they travel together in packs, some times wear a long sleeved shirt and occasionally jeans. But that is where all the similarities end.

They love to hold hands and walk with their other hand in their crotch. I bet the intellectual indians are wishing they could do that but that would be un-"KOOL", god knows what would happen if they did that. Their father might SLAP them. (Angry Indian man ^_^). Instead of the computer lab, you'd probably find them at 7-11 buying cans of cheap beer for their entourage.Finally comes the "Singapore Indian". They are split into 2 sub categories. First is the normal ones. Not much to say, except being Singaporean and Indian, they tend to relate everything back to INDIAN Culture! French crepe = THOSAI! When in a supermarket, first thing they look for is the MASALA!

Then comes then second type, the Indian Ah Beng, the Anjadi.With his overly gelled hair, skinny jeans, tight shirt and sharp comb in his rear jean's pocket, its looks like he is ready at a moments notice to head down to BA BA BLACK CHIC! to meet his Khaki Langs. To me, it seems the sharp comb serves a more insidious purpose other then resetting his hair incase a strong gust of wind displaces it. With recent crack down of weapons in clubs, it seems the next best thing would be a sharp comb to the eye to put and end to a dispute.



So what is this 'typical' Indian identity we talk about? Must it necessarily be a negative one? Why do people try as hard as they can to distance themselves from being a 'typical' Indian in the strive to attain a higher social strata, imaginary though that may be?

When i decided that i should do a tad of research before delving more into this topic and bugged my sad MSN list, i also figured that i should not limit this to the privileged few on my contacts but let some public views in as well.

Tell Us. Negative or positive. What is your take on this whole 'typical' stereotyping.

And we'll hit you back with our KLKonklusion

stereotype, singapore, indian
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